Took 20mg of lex today. Got headache and nauseated. Slept for three hours. Still a bit yucky. I'm wondering if it's not something I ate, though. I did have cookies for breakfast and that could have knocked off my levels for the entire day. I'm going to bed.

link | posted by genxquilter at 11:53 PM
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The psych appointment got moved to this afternoon.
The med student asked me if I heard voices. (Um, no.) There was the whole family history thing, the drug history thing, do you feel like harming yourself thing, etc. (shaky, long, low level usually)
Essentially, the doctor wants me to up the dose of lexapro and come back in two weeks, not drink alcohol, and keep seeing my psychologist.
I told her I was skeptical that this was going to work. She said we had to start somewhere, and the dose could be increased up to 40mg on the lexapro. She seemed surprised no doctor ever put me on prozac.

link | posted by genxquilter at 11:03 PM
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The psychaitrist appointment is Wednesday. I have a psycologist appointment Thursday to talk about Wedesday. Next Monday, I have a DO appointment to update the records and see how I feel with the script change.
All this to try to get me back to a level where I don't feel like driving into a ditch all the time and to increase my motivation. Frankly, I'm so skeptical that new meds will bring much change. The thought of going off effexor scares me to pieces. I hate taking it late, let alone tapering down from it. If she thinks I'm giving up trazadone, she's crazy. I sleep with that drug. For more than 3 hours in a row.
The psycholgist told me to write down my prescription history, what and when I've been off and on the different meds. Check. She told me to share my skepticism about the changes, too. Two more days, people.
Post script: I finally called my boss. He told me I couldn't work this week. He didn't trust me to clean up the end of the cycle. Not that I blame him. I don't trust me either.

link | posted by genxquilter at 12:49 PM
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All my sweaters are now on a shelf. I have a lot of sweaters. Some of which are destined to become a patchwork wool throw. Holes and shrinking are ravaging the supply.
Most of my fabric is also in the wall or in bins on the floor. I'd like to be done with a lot of it, but it pains me to just give it away. There's a bunch of conversational prints that I bought when I lived in Indiana, so we're talking at least 3-4 years ago. One print I know I got at good old Craft Town in Salem when I first started quilting. Wonder if that place is still even around...

link | posted by genxquilter at 9:48 PM
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So I tried the no knead bread that dozens of blogs have been posting on.
I'm not impressed. It came out exactly like the photos on everyone's pages. I'm sorry, but it took way too long for the product. It seemed kind of gummy. I've had better crusts. Not something that I'll be making again. Maybe it will make good toast.
I tried making pizza dough from the Joy of Cooking with half whole wheat flour. Not so much on that, too. I liked the version with cornmeal better. The normal recipe, no deviations, is next week.

edit: sometimes the clock works against me. this was done after midnight. i swear it was the second. if not, i blew it after 2 days.

link | posted by genxquilter at 11:53 PM
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I'm trying it again. I fell off in the middle of last month. I'm hoping the anxiety of Christmas will make me more likely to post.

link | posted by genxquilter at 11:51 PM
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three songs that rotate in my head
1. maresydotes... nursery rhyme
2. i'm not an addict
3. 21st century digital boy
ten things i wish i could tell people
1. you should break up with him
2. i'm tired of listening to you chatter
3. you're an idiot
4. don't you have a home?
5. what if you're not with him in two months?
6. if you have money to gamble, you have money to give to me
7. i'm a charity case so donate to me
8. give me the damn job
9. isn't he still married?
10. you're being stupid
seven things i want to do
1. get the job
2. have money
3. sew quilt tops
4. get gift quilts quilted
5. move from a "2" to a "7" on the mood scale
6. overdose just a little
7. buy a newer car

link | posted by genxquilter at 10:33 AM
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One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
Strange nightmare about rescuing fish from a broken tank, then being robbed for my pyrex bowls and bread pan.
***
I'm kinda thinking about getting out my sewing machine, which I had put away for the season last week. I saw a project on the domino design bazaar that reminded me of something I did that I turned out not liking, but might look good in different colors. That pink and white chevron floor pillow for $400 bucks could look good as a quilt, but I'll change the colors. Perhaps those batik reds in my stash and pale pink kona, done with 4" hsts. And a few wider solid pink strips in there, so it's not so dizzying to look at.
***
The lime green/blue log cabin variation seems to be floating around in my head, too. Cutting the strips for that should be manageable for me.

link | posted by genxquilter at 8:15 PM
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wanna know more?

27 going on 87. major depression. quilter. 2 dogs. babies are boring. dread listening to voicemail.

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